


Apollo and Artemis

by thetomkatwholived



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Cats, David Rose is Secretly a Big Softie and You Can't Change My Mind, Domestic Fluff, Hints to Sex but No Sex, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:33:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29369328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetomkatwholived/pseuds/thetomkatwholived
Summary: “How would you feel about adding a new addition to our family?” Patrick broached the subject over dinner one night, having made one of David’s favorite meals to make sure the topic would be brought up while he was happy.He paused with a bite on the way to his mouth, face playing out a whole movie’s worth of emotions.Patrick's suggestion for a new addition to the Rose/Brewer cottage is a bit different than David had thought but ultimately not unwelcome.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 14
Kudos: 90
Collections: Schitt's Creek Season 7





	Apollo and Artemis

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [SCSeason7](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SCSeason7) collection. 



> From the prompt: For episode 7x13
> 
> David and Patrick go to an animal shelter to pick out a furry new family member. It doesn't matter what the pet is - dog, cat, rabbit, guinea pig, anything works! Maybe they go several times before they find the perfect match. Maybe they go in with one thing in mind and end up falling in love with something else. It's up to you!
> 
> Huge thanks to [redacted] for reading this over and offering suggestions and encouragement! I appreciate your help so much!

“How would you feel about adding a new addition to our family?” Patrick broached the subject over dinner one night, having made one of David’s favorite meals to make sure the topic would be brought up while he was happy.

He paused with a bite on the way to his mouth, face playing out a whole movie’s worth of emotions. David dropped his hand, food still on his fork, and sighed. “Patrick, I thought we were on the same page with this. I just don’t think I could have a child, it’s just not something I want. And with all the people who do but can’t conceive, it feels wrong to --”

“No! That’s not what I meant at all. I do not want kids, definitely not. Especially after spending the weekend at my cousin, Mark’s, and seeing them deal with their kids.” Both shuddered at the memory. “No, I was thinking we could get a pet.”

David squinted, studying Patrick’s face. “A pet?”

“Yeah. Well, okay, we’ve been in the house for about a year now and I just thought it may be nice to have a little animal around. There’s a shelter in Elmdale that has a lot of good cat options. I figured you’d prefer that to a dog, less maintenance and all.”

“I thought you were allergic to cats.”

“What?”

“When you first came to the store. Alexis was wrapping one of the cat hair scarves around your neck and you mentioned a cat allergy.”

Patrick chuckled at the memory. “That was more because I felt awkward having you walk in on your sister flirting with me when I was hoping to get your attention.”

“So you’re not allergic to cats?!” David looked betrayed.

😻

They arrived at the shelter on a Saturday morning, leaving the store in the hands of Mandy and Lennon, both of whom had proven they could handle a Saturday morning rush without David and Patrick there.

The shelter was small, but it was the only one in Elm Valley, so it was their best option if they didn’t want to travel too far away. 

“Hi, welcome to the Elmdale Animal Shelter! How can I help you both today?” The lady at the front desk greeted them as soon as they walked into the lobby.

“Mkay… Lydia?” The lady nodded and gestured to her nametag. “I appreciate the enthusiasm but I’m gonna need you to take it down just a few notches, thanks.” Lydia’s face fell slightly.

“David,” Patrick quietly scolded. “Sorry about him, he’s not a fan of mornings. We were hoping to see what cats you had available.”

She immediately perked up again, although her volume did drop a significant amount, for which David seemed grateful. “Our cats' rooms are right this way if you’ll follow me.”

David had a specific list of requirements for their cat, chief among them that they must be affectionate but not so affectionate that any of their hair may stick to his clothes. Patrick tried his best to tell him how improbable that would be if they were to get any cat that wasn’t hairless, but they’d cross that bridge soon enough. Neither cared too much about age but weren’t too keen on anyone that wasn’t yet fully trained or one that was already old enough to have multiple health complications. 

“Feel free to wander around and let me know if any catch your eye. We have rooms you can go to spend a little one on one time with the cat and see if they’re the one for you!” Lydia settled into a chair in the corner, a few cats quickly flocking to her.

Patrick looked around the room, overwhelmed slightly at the number of cats milling about. Some were sleeping while others were playing with each other, rolling around, and play fighting. Many seemed either timid or too aloof to give Patrick the time of day, but that was fine. He made his way around the perimeter a few times, surveying everything and trying to adjust. Just as he felt ready to approach a cat or two, he heard David call to him from across the room.

“Patrick.” David was sat on the floor, already a rare occurrence, with two cats perched on his lap, one kneading his thighs with the other bit at the kneading one's ear. 

“Oh, let me just…” He made his way to David, not wanting him to have to suffer through more of the cats on him than necessary.

But when he got close, he noticed that David didn’t look mad or put out or anything. He was lightly stroking both cats, cooing quietly at them even as they pawed at his clothes. It was such a departure that Patrick did a double-take. But no, that was David, happily letting two cats take up residence on his fancy sweatpants.

One cat was grey and striped, a sleek coat and eyes that glowed almost yellow. The other was black and fluffier, eyes a striking golden against its coat. They each perfectly fit David’s aesthetic, both in terms of color and beauty. 

“They’re a bonded pair. Probably not siblings, but they came to us together. We estimate they’re about a year and a half or so.”

“A bonded pair?” David asked, not taking his eyes off the cats.

“It means we’re not going to be separating them. They both need the other to properly adapt to life in a new place. So if you want one, you’d need to take the other.”

“Do they have names?” David scratched behind the black cat’s ear, eliciting a deep purr.

“The grey one is Apollo and the black one is Artemis. They’re neutered and spayed respectively.” Lydia made her way closer, trying to coax the cats to look up at her with no luck. “It’s rare they take to someone so quickly. They’ve been pretty standoffish since we got them in last month.”

Patrick felt a warmth spread through him at that. His husband — a beautiful, monochrome man — had been the same, always closing himself off to new people. When Patrick met him, he’d gotten much better, but that standoffish instinct still persisted. Slowly, Patrick and Stevie and the whole town had made David a much more open person, ready to accept and even give love in a way he hadn’t before.

“How would it work? To adopt a bonded pair, I mean.” Patrick kept his eyes on David and the cats, already imagining their life back at the cabin. David was gently scolding Apollo for trying to bite at his sweater’s hem, but it was obvious how much affection was behind the reprimand. 

“Well, we’d give you a discount, so even though you’re getting two, we wouldn’t make you pay full price for them. We have some literature on accumulating bonded pairs. They have a standard diet so you wouldn’t have to worry about getting anything special. We recommend having two litter boxes, more for ease of cleaning, but also to give each their own space. Ultimately, they’re not that complicated, there’s just two of them.” Lydia was less peppy than before but seemed more focused, understanding that they didn’t need that energy at this point.

“You mentioned, uh, private rooms?”

“Yes, we could take you in there to be sure. And let you two discuss.”

“David?” At his name, David looked up, a bit dazed having been so enraptured in the cats. “Wanna spend some time in one of the rooms and discuss a bit.” 

David sighed dramatically. “If we must. But these two don’t seem to be moving on their own anytime soon.”

Lydia laughed and grabbed each cat, both making a gurgled chirp at being taken from David’s lap.

Once in the room, a small space with one chair and barely enough space for all four of them, Apollo began sniffing around Patrick’s feet, giving him a once-over. Artemis had immediately jumped onto the chair, settling in.

“Excuse me, ma’am, I believe that is meant for me.” Artemis gazed up at David as he spoke, chirping in response. “Oh, I see how it is.”

In a move that was so unexpected that Patrick almost gasped, David lifted the cat up, cradling her tendering in his arms, and then settled into the chair, plopping her back on his lap. She didn’t seem to mind being disturbed, immediately curling up in David’s lap.

Apollo started yelling up at Patrick, apparently deeming him a worthy companion by his smell. Still entranced by David’s move, Patrick startled and crouched down. The cat began rubbing his face against Patrick’s knee, purring loudly.

“I think we’ve become a bonded quartet.” It was meant to be a joke, but Patrick’s voice was a bit choked, the words holding a little too much truth.

“Most animals are incorrect, but these two are… I don’t even know how to describe it. They fit us, I think.”

Patrick gave a watery laugh. “Yeah, they’re pretty perfect for us, huh?”

“And we are absolutely keeping the names. Apollo was a god of beauty and music, while Artemis was a fierce female warrior. They work perfectly for us, I think.”

“What about the mess? Fur, scratches to fabric, litter?” Patrick didn’t want David to get caught up in everything only to regret it later.

David gestured down to the cat currently lounging in his lap. “I already have a lot of lint rollers. And I remember Alexis had some special dryer sheets she used when she was working at the vet clinic. Scratches will be a big no, but we will train them or something. And I can clean litter.” Patrick gave him a look. “I can let you clean litter and maybe ease myself into it.”

“You want to do this?” It felt like a big step, somehow. They were married and owned a house and store together, but they were looking to expand their family. It felt like a big thing in a whole new way.

“Are you having second thoughts?” David looked pained at the mere idea of having to leave today without these cats.

“No, definitely not. I’m…” He cleared his throat. “I’m excited to do this with you. To build a family with you. I’m always happy for our family to be just us, but I’m excited to have this with you.”

“Are you getting sappy over cats?”

“No, I’m getting sappy over building a life with you.”

“Honey, we’ve been building a life together since you walked into the store and basically demanded I bring you on as a partner.” David scratched under Artemis’s chin while Apollo tried to climb onto Patrick's lap in his crouched position. 

“I thought you liked my take charge attitude!”

“I love your take charge attitude.”

“But I mean a personal life, not just a professional life.”

“Mhm, still the same.”

Patrick cocked his head and Apollo’s little confused chirp at not being able to comfortably climb onto Patrick echoed his thoughts. “That first day at the store?”

“Yeah. You didn’t feel it that day?”

“Feel what?”

“This. All of this. I didn’t know what you’d be to me, but I knew you’d be something. I could maybe even make a case for that day at Ray’s, but that may be too sappy. Also, you looked really hot in your dumb button-down and dumber jeans.” Patrick huffed out a laugh. “My point is that we’ve been a unit for a while. I think it’s time we let this unit,” he gestured to the cats, “join up with our unit.”

“Should I call Ray now to have our new family portraits taken?”

“Okay, I know you’re joking, but that could actually be really great. I will moodboard a photoshoot theme and we will circle back to that.”

They left the room, each holding a cat, and let Lydia know they’d be taking both. She became even more excited than she’d been when they arrived, leading them out front and producing two temporary cardboard carriers.

“Do you have things for them? Litter box, food, toys?”

“Well, we did get some, but only enough for one cat…” Patrick trailed off.

“No worries, we have special vouchers that we can give you for the pet supply store in downtown Elm Glen. You can get another box and some food and toys there. We also recommend some treats, just to use as incentives in the new space.” Lydia’s energy was much less off-putting when they were sharing in it. Patrick nodded along to her instructions as David cooed over the cats. Apollo, who was currently nestled in Patrick’s arms, was making a valiant effort to escape into David’s.

“I see you’ve both picked a favorite already,” Patrick playfully muttered as he tried to rein Apollo in, Lydia looking on with a laugh.

“They have impeccable taste.” David scratched under Apollo’s chin, eliciting loud purrs from him and chirps of jealous protest from Artemis.

“Just a reminder that you chose me. I’m your favorite.”

“Mhm, sure.” David looked up to find Patrick’s mouth in an exaggerated pout. “They’ll love you too because I love you.” He awkwardly kissed Patrick’s temple, or at least tried to with Apollo swatting lovingly at his cheek.

Lydia’s giggle reminded them where they were, turning their attention back to her. They loaded both cats into the temporary carriers and then finalized the transaction, gratefully taking all the coupons offered to them.

“We recommend getting them checked out at the vet within a month or so, just to make sure everything’s fine with the transition. You have a copy of their medical histories as far as we know, but both are healthy. If you have any questions or concerns, you can call us here, and we’ll do our best to help! Congratulations, you two! You four!”

“Thank you!” Patrick picked up one carrier, an affronted gurgle sounding from within, and David took the other, a matching noise emitting.

Once they were settled into the car, both cats strapped into the backseat, they broke out into disbelieving giggles.

😻

“Patrick, this isn’t working.” David sighed exasperatedly and flopped onto his back.

“I think if you just turned a bit, it cou--”

“No! I mean, yes, that’s probably the solution for this position. But I mean the cats.” As if on cue, loud yowls sounded from behind the closed bedroom door. 

Patrick chuckled, wiping his brow and hiding his face in the crook of his elbow. “Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t have shut them out on their first night here.”

“Is having cats going to ruin our sex life? Because I can’t do that, Patrick. I can’t sacrifice that, not while I’m still in my prime.” David dramatically dropped a pillow onto his face, an act that backfired almost immediately when the pillow balanced on his nose before awkwardly teetering off and onto the floor.

Leaning over, Patrick smacked a wet kiss onto David’s cheek. “You’ll be in your prime for years and years. I think we can forego sex just for tonight.”

At David’s resigned grunt, Patrick got up and made his way to the door, teasing David just a bit by exaggerating his hip movements as he walked. He was rewarded with a frustrated groan. When he cracked the door open, a mess of fur rushed into the room, Artemis circling Patrick’s feet while Apollo made a beeline for David. 

Later, while they were all settled into bed and cuddled up together, Patrick looked at his husband, lovingly stroking their new cats who gave him purrs of adoration. Yeah, he was upset they didn’t get to finish what they had started earlier, but he couldn’t help but be completely enamored with his little family, all snuggled up.

“What?” David looked up at Patrick, still petting the cats.

“Nothing. I just really love you.” They shared an awkward kiss over both cats.

“Mm,” David pulled out of the kiss, “we will need to figure this whole situation out because I refuse to let cat hair accumulate in our bed. And tonight was a fluke; I’m not sure it’s good for my health to go more than two days without having sex with you. I get all grumpy and horny at work.”

Patrick’s heart beat double-time, and he wondered if he’d ever stop finding new reasons to love this man. “Of course. We will navigate these new additions together.”

**Author's Note:**

> The feline duo of Apollo and Artemis were in the background of a dream I had a few years ago, and I am happy to share them with all of you. I'm not sure I'm allowed to call myself a Classicist anymore, but I will attribute that aspect of my life to random cats in dreams having the names of Greek deities.


End file.
